As he stands in front of the bathroom mirror, brushing his teeth and lamenting the loss of the youthful elasticity in his skin, he makes eye contact with his reflection, groans, and then quickly looks away. I stand behind him, “You're getting on a bit old man, who's going to fancy that now eh?” I can tell he agrees but doesn't reply, he rarely does. When he does it's usually a jovial “piss off, or shut it!”. It's banter, at least I think it is. 

This week (end of September 2024) marks one year since I self-published the book and as time has gone by, the urge to throw down some more words has increased. It helps to declutter the brain in a way that is unsurpassed by anything else I have tried before.

Talking is often difficult for me. Once I get going I'll talk all day long. But in dark times, I find it difficult to start. Being in a relationship with me must be like owning a classic car!

You know how it's said that you don't go a day without seeing a cow? Well, I don't go a day without hearing about mental health. Maybe it's because I'm invested in the subject so heavily at the moment, nevertheless, talk of it is never far away.

Being adopted really does make life tricky, especially when that life asks you to promote yourself. It's like standing in front of a crowd of people with a sign saying; ‘This is me, please point out my faults, its fine, I'm expecting you to!’

Being adopted comes with trauma. That trauma makes life hard at times, and as adoptees, we feel it every day. We might not understand our feelings at the time, but they are ever-present.

On Monday the 9th of October 2023, I was invited to BBC Radio Nottingham to talk about the book.

With Fiona Myles on the brink of releasing her next book, 'Georgie, Me and ADHD', I thought it would be a great idea to let her do another 'Who's Wally?' take over.

The writing has taken over my life these last few months, If I've not been at work or seeing my kids, I've been formulating blogs or chapters and I've thought of nothing else.

This week found me on another attempt at dragging my arse out of the funk I find myself in. I drove into Derbyshire’s Peak District

This week I've been writing a chapter for the book about my childhood. This part of my life feels a bit lost to me. I do remember things, of course, but it's muffled.

..After any anxious thoughts, among other things, he would tell me he wasn’t good enough, and I’d be better off without him. We would have conversations for days, ending up with one-word replies, and then eventually becoming almost silent.

Her Book 'Adoption Trauma' was the first book that I listened to on audible about issues through adoption and it made my jaw drop. 

Em isn't adopted but has experienced firsthand what it's like to be with an adoptee, Me. Em gets it, I mean really gets it! she gets me, and that is incredible.

From my perspective, it seems that no matter how our adoptee lives started, or how they continued, Most of us appear to end up in the same ‘fog’, with very similar issues.

Trauma-Informed, Hope Obsessed

“Yes, 'People pleasing' , what's wrong with that, thats a good thing, right?” I hear you say.

Adoption trauma manifests itself in lots of ways it would seem. From the obvious emotional stuff like anxiety and depression to the less obvious social quirks like refusing to do something fun because it wasn't the adoptee's idea.

I consider myself a very open and giving person and it's possibly because I go the extra mile to be accepted, liked or loved. So it might be coming from a very insecure place. A lack of self esteem can do strange things to me.

So far, all I've talked about is how I believe adoption trauma has influenced my life. But what if it hasn't?