Guest Post - Constantly Picking Myself Up - How About You? By Fiona Myles

guest post

2 Aug

It's a real joy having Fiona Myles Guest post on 'Who's Wally?'.

Her Book 'Adoption Trauma' was the first book that I listened to on audible about issues through adoption and it made my jaw drop.

I remember saying that a lot of what I heard could have been written about me. Having thought all my life that I was unusual, here was someone telling me, about 'me', but through her own experience. Without that book, I'd still be lost.

Fiona has been very approachable and encouraging of my own writing too.

I will always be grateful to her and couldn't wait to offer her a guest spot on the blog.

Fiona Myles... Over to you...

Like so many of us, I feel up and then I feel down. Things are going well, then they take a dip, I just follow suit and take a dip too. I'm constantly picking myself up. I am not what happened to me. There is no way that my adoption and adoption story is going to keep me down.

I am someone who loves to see others doing well and getting the best out of what they are doing. I promote blogs, books, articles, and podcasts. I jump into free masterclass-type groups, promote them and participate as much as I can to help the person running it be successful.

All of the above is to the detriment of myself and what I am doing. Or so it can seem. I know how downtrodden and bottom of the pile I have felt as an unwanted baby, as an unloved adult. My self-worth was at rock bottom before I realised what I was doing to myself with drugs and alcohol. Not having the sense to realise that the only person suffering in it all was me.

In the almost 30 years that I have been addiction free, I have worked hard on being the best me. Always thought of this little hole that just would not fill in, always this gap that everything positive seemed to get sucked through and disposed of somewhere. Never a sure sense of being happy and fulfilled.

Six years ago discovering Adoption Trauma was a thing. Going through the pain of actually and truly looking at where my feelings lay. Sorting out my truth, facing up to my hurt and so much more. I remember becoming addiction free and having to face this snarling, hurting animal that was myself. It was a painful process dealing with everything that had been buried under the warm soft blanket of addiction. The covers were off and there I was a sniveling wreck.

Six years ago when the fog lifted, there I was in the cold light of day a sniveling wreck. Thankfully not snarling and in as much pain as I had been, but nevertheless, very aware that a lot of work needed to be done in a new hurting place that had not been discovered before. Six years on I feel very differently. I like who I am.

I like Fiona Myles the present me. I also like Helen Oxenham who I could have been. I like them both the same because they are both me in equal measure.

I had my identity hidden from me for such a long time by my bio Mum, I will never know why she wasn't truthful with me. That still stings as I was denied the joy of getting to know my bio Dad as he had died before I got to the truth.

Even with the deep faith in God that I have I know that ultimately there is no one except another adoptee that can truly understand how I am or can be feeling day by day. I know that surrounding myself with adoptees really helps me to stay right side up.

Discovering that I could write was a real gift that just keeps giving. My books have sold all over the world. I hear from people on a daily basis about how much my book Adoption Trauma has resonated with them.

Back to what I said about helping others. I love lifting others up, it gives me a real buzz. I know after a ton of soul searching that I am not people pleasing but pleasing people who need that little shove over the line so that they too can go on to help others in a positive way.

Positivity may bug some people, but for me, after living so long having the positive sucked out of me I am all for being an uplifting positive person.

You can find more about Fiona and buy her books on her website.

'Adoption Trauma' by Fiona Miles is available on Amazon