This week found me on another attempt at dragging my arse out of the funk I find myself in. I drove into Derbyshire’s Peak District

This morning at 7 am I arrived home from my last night shift this week. Straight to bed for me, I was bushed. Great, I can sleep without having to set an alarm. I was hoping for 3 pm.  I woke at 12 pm.

This week I've been writing a chapter for the book about my childhood. This part of my life feels a bit lost to me. I do remember things, of course, but it's muffled.

Sometimes I think being adopted is like wearing a condom all the time. You get to feel, but not completely, and both your vital energy and the ability to connect with the vital energy of others is blocked.

Bringing yourself up, or sometimes down, to try and interact equally with someone.

..After any anxious thoughts, among other things, he would tell me he wasn’t good enough, and I’d be better off without him. We would have conversations for days, ending up with one-word replies, and then eventually becoming almost silent.

Yes, I'm one of the lucky few that gets to work on a Sunday night. But wait for it...the best bit is, I also get to work right through until Monday morning at 6. Can you imagine that? A whole 12-hour night shift. On a Sunday, what a treat!

Her Book 'Adoption Trauma' was the first book that I listened to on audible about issues through adoption and it made my jaw drop. 

Em isn't adopted but has experienced firsthand what it's like to be with an adoptee, Me. Em gets it, I mean really gets it! she gets me, and that is incredible.

From my perspective, it seems that no matter how our adoptee lives started, or how they continued, Most of us appear to end up in the same ‘fog’, with very similar issues.

Trauma-Informed, Hope Obsessed

Back in 2005, I was asked to comment on my adoption by a journalist from ‘The Daily Telegraph’. Being the media whore I obviously was, I agreed.

‘The Annual Gnaw’

I was of course one of the babies whose mothers were forced to give them up in the 1960s because they were unmarried.

Although I can fully understand why adoptees have a need to connect with their birth parents, I don't feel that need.

With that in mind, I have created a group, just for men. No, not in a 'hair dye' kind of way!

“Yes, 'People pleasing' , what's wrong with that, thats a good thing, right?” I hear you say.

Adoption trauma manifests itself in lots of ways it would seem. From the obvious emotional stuff like anxiety and depression to the less obvious social quirks like refusing to do something fun because it wasn't the adoptee's idea.

'Who's Wally?' is now on Facebook. With a new logo too! 

Jumping forward to 2012 now and a Facebook message that took me completely by surprise said …