“The womb forms a template about how we see other people and our place in the world.”

The writing has taken over my life these last few months, If I've not been at work or seeing my kids, I've been formulating blogs or chapters and I've thought of nothing else.

This morning at 7 am I arrived home from my last night shift this week. Straight to bed for me, I was bushed. Great, I can sleep without having to set an alarm. I was hoping for 3 pm.  I woke at 12 pm.

..After any anxious thoughts, among other things, he would tell me he wasn’t good enough, and I’d be better off without him. We would have conversations for days, ending up with one-word replies, and then eventually becoming almost silent.

Yes, I'm one of the lucky few that gets to work on a Sunday night. But wait for it...the best bit is, I also get to work right through until Monday morning at 6. Can you imagine that? A whole 12-hour night shift. On a Sunday, what a treat!

Em isn't adopted but has experienced firsthand what it's like to be with an adoptee, Me. Em gets it, I mean really gets it! she gets me, and that is incredible.

Adoption trauma manifests itself in lots of ways it would seem. From the obvious emotional stuff like anxiety and depression to the less obvious social quirks like refusing to do something fun because it wasn't the adoptee's idea.

I wrote this while I was drunk the other night. I was just about to turn in and I was going around the house locking up and switching off when all of a sudden I had an urge to write.

I consider myself a very open and giving person and it's possibly because I go the extra mile to be accepted, liked or loved. So it might be coming from a very insecure place. A lack of self esteem can do strange things to me.