The Happiness Curve
It seems to me that many adoptees seem to come to middle age before considering and reflecting on their adoption. I have done just that. What is it about this part of our lives that gives us cause to investigate our pasts and its possible effect on our present?
For me, it all started as I looked for ways to bring myself out of another depression. It had plagued me for the previous 10 years of my life, and I’d had enough of the long cycle of climbing out of the hole, only to slip back and have to start all over again a few months later. Then, of course, round, and round it went. In some ways, I’m still in that cycle but the knowledge I have rediscovered from writing and the fact that I know I’m not on my own in these thoughts and states of mind is what (I believe) is helping me to reduce the severity of it all.
But, why have these last 10 years felt so difficult to navigate mentally, and why does it appear others are in the same predicament? The overthinking, anxiety, and depression, not to mention the inability to hold down a relationship with friends and partners, seem so much harder to manage at this stage in my life. I started to look into the possibility that maybe reaching middle age was in itself some sort of a catalyst. Then I stumbled across something called ‘The Happiness Curve’.
The Happiness Curve or ‘U-shaped’ curve is a plotted line on a graph. Starting at the top left-hand side of our ‘U’ in our 20’s, moving through to the bottom of the curve in our 40’s. Then to rise again and see us at the top of the right-hand point of the ‘U’ later in life.
In 1989 Carol Ryff, in her book ‘Happiness is everything, or is it?’ Broke happiness down into 6 factors; purpose in life, self-acceptance, autonomy, personal growth, environmental mastery, and positive relationships. These all play a part in how happy we feel at any given time.
The graph was generated by David Blanchflower, Professor of Economics, at Dartmouth College during the 1990s. Thousands of people, from over 100 countries, and from all different walks of life were asked about their overall happiness over a 20 year period. What he discovered was that no matter the background, status, race, or gender, the curve seemed surprisingly similar.
In the main, it appears that the theory is as 20-year-old humans we are at our happiest, Out of school, with our unknown future in front of us ready to carve into something wonderful. We have more than likely started to earn our own money, we have more freedom and very few responsibilities. We might be discovering drinking and sex at this point, and so are our peers, so it's fun, an amazing journey of discovery and learning begins. I appreciate there are exceptions, for instance, environmental and societal differences will no doubt play a part in changing an individual's state of well-being, but on average this is reasonably true for the majority.
When we hit our 40s however, we find ourselves at the bottom of the curve, at our most unhappy generally. I guess that makes some sense because we find ourselves with responsibilities. Families to support, mortgages and rent to service, as well as cars to maintain. We might be in stressful jobs with more responsibilities to pile on top. A 45-year-old for instance, is 3 times more likely to commit suicide than his or her 18-year-old counterpart. Also, depression is far more common in middle age than at any other time in life.
It's not all bad news though because as we pass through the difficult middles, we start to climb back up the other side of the curve. We are retiring, finding ourselves with more spare time and possibly more cash in our pockets, the mortgage is likely to have been paid off, kids have left home (possibly to have their turn at the bottom part of the curve). If we find ourselves fit and well, we grab life by the short and curlies while we can and fun is back. That's the theory at least.
Incidentally, i was listening to a podcast the other day that discussed the happiness curve, and something fascinated me, people who care for animals in zoos have to keep a log of their animals well-being on a daily basis, and it turns out that chimps and orangutans also have a similar happiness curve, and you don't see many of them having to juggle jobs, school runs and energy bills do you? Although im not sure how they get the data, maybe they have to fill out a form (?)
If that's not bananas for thought, I don't know what is!
So, those of us wallowing in the basin of our happiness curves, looking for answers … keep those chins up, because it could just be nature's way, and in no time at all you could be moving a squeaky hip around a dance floor with a load of other curve climbers, laughing at the time you had a mortgage and full time job.
Photo by Szilvia Basso on Unsplash
