Poorly knitted jumper
So far, all I've talked about is how I believe adoption trauma has influenced my life. But what if it hasn't?
What if, it's not a thing and it's something else pulling on the poorly knitted jumper strands that has been my life so far? So many of us adoptees, who suffer from what we all believe are the effects of being given up by our birth mothers all those years ago, believe it's connected and do our best to work through and understand it. However, I'm asking, what if it IS something else?
After the research and learning that I have done recently, I'm a convert. I believe that a lot of my issues have been influenced by my relinquishment many years ago.
For the chance to explore, and for balance my beliefs, I thought it would be a good idea to look at the theories around at the opposite end of adoption trauma.
There isn't very much out there that suggests adoption trauma isn't real. 99% of adoption trauma-related information (not a true calculation in case you were wondering, just flying by the seat of my pants) out there in the wonderful world of the World Wide Web say “Yes, it's a thing, and here is why…” but let's look at the 1%. There is no smoke without fire, right? Except for maybe fireworks and when you try to burn evergreens. I mean, that's ALL smoke!
Starting with the phrase “Adoption trauma is not real” I searched Google. 10 pages in and nothing! Not even a slight mention of any opposing view. OK, not to be put off, I tried “There is no such thing as adoption trauma”. Again 10 pages into Google and still nothing! Oh, I expected many more hits than I was seeing, so I tried again and this time I typed “I don’t have adoption trauma”, on the first page and 3 organic results down, I found something on Adoption.com. Finally!
The article has been written by an adoptee and a mother. As an adoptee, she wasn't “snatched away and left with strangers” but “laid in loving arms”. As a mother, it appears that it was an extremely difficult pregnancy. There is nothing in the article that suggests reasons why this person believes there was no trauma for her. The article does go on to talk a little more about DNA-based trauma though. This is a type of trauma believed to be hereditary, handed down through generations. Because of the problems during pregnancy, the article describes that this could have been transferred to her son deep in his DNA, because if the mother is suffering then the unborn child would suffer too and be born with trauma. Again this was not the case for her either.
There are a few discrepancies between my adoption records and my birth mother’s recollection concerning exactly how long I was actually with her in hospital after my birth. It could have been a few days or I might have been taken from her directly. I don't think I'll ever know now. I do know, however, that I was placed in the care system after around 10 days for a few weeks before I was finally transferred to be initially fostered by my parents awaiting the formal adoption process. I guess what I'm getting at here is that I don't believe I was truly “snatched away” either yet I feel I've been living with a form of relinquishment trauma all my life. Furthermore, I feel that I'm not in the minority either.
The DNA trauma mentioned is a fascinating subject. The article discusses the idea of how can a person suffer trauma if they didn't experience it. And here is where I think the article's theories get a little skewed. In all the research I have, and am continuing to do, it seems to me that Adoption trauma does not start ‘before’ birth. But rather in the first few weeks afterward. As infants, humans are born with a very underdeveloped brain. Our brains then spend around 3 years growing and have to start working before they are completed. The first month of an infant's brain is a critical time and it is in this period that we lose the only thing our narcissistic little minds need, Mum. Yes, it's all me, me, me for us here. Of course, it is during this time that the trust gets destroyed.
I'm not saying that I don't believe DNA trauma isn't a thing, I'm saying I'm not entirely convinced it's related to adoption. But I'm happy to be proved incorrect here. Incidentally, I watched a brilliant TedX Talk a few months ago about this very subject. Leah Warshawski tells a beautiful story about her Grandmother, her experiences as a Jewish child during World War II, and how she believes that her experiences during this time have been handed down to her. It's really worth a watch.
In conclusion, there is so much work done, by so many confirming the existence of Adoption Trauma and so far, so little suggesting otherwise that I feel much more confident moving forward with my quest.
You can find links to both the article and the TedX Talk below and to the right in the "Sources of Helpfulness" section:
