My (not so) Found Poem
Flicking through my adoption file in its old green A4 ring binder folder (which I realise is older than my 22-year-old son!) Come to think of it, I have shirts older than him too. Well, now I'm just thinking about other stuff that is older than him…oh that big saucepan and that hammer I acquired from Dad, erm? … the cheese grater, ah yes, I love that cheese grater!
Anyway...
In the folder, at the back, I stored about 30 sheets of notepaper. Only the first sheet had any notes on it. I snapped the rings open and removed them for recycling, but something stopped me.
“I'll just look through to make sure I haven't noted anything further back” I thought. I do tend to write from the back of notebooks if I need to be able to find that information quickly. There was nothing, old, yellowing, and blank, but enough about me. Then I spotted something just before the last page, six lines of minimal, neat, and flowing handwriting, not mine, and from nobody, I can recall writing this way.
Where the hell did this come from?!
The answer is, I just don't know, this folder is as personal as it gets to me and only a handful of people have ever been shown it. I can only assume that this has been written by someone before I had the note paper. Was this note paper second hand to me? Who buys second-hand note paper, and in individual leaves?! Ok, so that's got me written all over it, to be honest.
The words written on the page appear to be almost a poem from a broken heart. Was this an ex-girlfriend who just couldn't contain the grief of the ending of our relationship? To be truthful, this has me written all over it also. My life has been littered with past romance thanks to my adoption and ‘Brian’ no doubt.
After a bit of internet digging, it's not from one of my ex-girlfriends, no, it's song lyrics by the 1990s band Roxette. The song was released in 1991, from the album ‘Joyride’. Mystery sort of solved eh? But it doesn't solve why it was written in my folder or by whom. So it's still a little intriguing, just not as exciting. Now I'm a little disappointed.
The words aren't laid out as a poem, just written across each line, filling each line of the page with the inclusion of the odd comma.
I've managed to pick through the ‘Poem’ and I think I've managed to read it all correctly as some of the lettering is entirely illegible. Now that I've read it I can't help but share it, I've laid it out as a traditional poem.
My ‘Found’ Poem (that was written by Roxette)
‘Fading like a flower’,
In a time where the sun descends alone.
I run a long, long way from home,
To find a heart that's made of stone.
I will try,
I just need a little time,
To get your face right out of my mind,
To see the world through different eyes.
Every time I see you,
Oh, I try to hide away.
But when we meet it seems I can't let go,
Every time you leave the room.
I feel im fading like a flower.
Why am I sharing this with you? The words resonate with me and my little attachment disorder and the subsequent numbness I feel being in relationships over the years. This handy little ‘Bolt on’ inside ‘Brian’ (the guy pulling the levers and knobs in my head) causes me to fade “Like a flower” and run away “Every time you leave the room” - Please don't leave me. Come back. I wonder if she will come back.
There goes my heart turning to stone again,
Right on bloody cue! Thanks Brian!
Image: © Andy Wallis
